THE SAGA OF A GRUMPY OLD GRANDPA

ARTHUR W. HEINRICH

It was early Sunday evening, and the Summer air was delightfully comfortable in the small town of Evergreen near fair-sized Lake Neverdri, which was fed by a slow flowing river called Dribble. Here, Bob and Bess Bailey and their two preteen age children, Gina and Brad, were sitting in their living room watching their favorite TV comedy when Mrs. Bailey's mother, who lived a few doors down the street, rang the doorbell persistently until Bob Bailey finally heard it, silenced the television, and went: to the door.

"Oh, mother Strom," voiced Bob, "We didn't hear the bell right away. We were just watching the Dooby family on TV. Gina and Brad are home for a change, and we really weren't expecting anyone, but do come in. Is there something wrong? You do look rather distraught."

"I suppose I do," confessed Mrs. Strom," It's about Thor, and I need to talk to someone about him and his 'fits'."

"Sure, Mother," agreed Bob, " come in and we'll talk about it like family." " Thanks, Bob. I don't know where else to go or who to turn to, so I'll no doubt lay it on you and Bess."

Shortly, in front of the whole Bailey family, Grandmother Strom began with " Yes, it's about Thor. You know we've been married for almost forty five years and that we got along pretty well until about a year ago when he started to get ornery and hard to get along with at times."

Ina began a tirade, starting and ending with numerous incidents, and some personal complaints that fairly shocked daughter Bess and family.

Bob finally interrupted with," I'm sure we all are sympathetic, Ina, and if it is as bad as you say, have you already thought about what could or should be done, and if we can help in any way?"

" No, and I don't know," admitted Mrs. Strom, " I really don't know. That's why I came, hoping maybe Bess and you can help me figure something out." That's how it started, and that's how Thor Strom became labeled as one Grumpy Old Grandfather, with the whole immediate family becoming involved. With the television set remaining quiet, the Bailey family and Ina freely discussed Ina's so-called Thor problem, ending later in this agreement; Brad and his sister Gina would take alternate daily turns for a week to visit with Grandpa Thor, and try to get to the bottom of his unusual behavior.

Following this, the concerned family would meet again to decide, if possible and necessary, what should and could be done to ungrump Grandpa.

MONDAY

Monday dawned bright and warm, and Brad was ready for breakfast just as his father left for work and before Gina arrived at the table. Mother Bess had already fried some bacon and put eggs on the stove for Brad, then sat down with him and asked what his plans were on his first visit to the Strom house, and mostly with Grandpa Thor.

"I'll see if Grumpy wants to go fishing," said Brad, " but I better call to see if he wants to go."

"Good," from Mom, "He should be up by now."

A few minutes later Brad dialed the Strom house and found the lines busy. He kept trying every few minutes until at last there was an answer. It was Grandpa. " Good morning, Gramps," greeted Brad," It's me, Brad. What are you up to on a beautiful day like this?"

"I'm up to nothing, darn it," grumped Thor," I've been calling all of my cronies to go fishing, but all I've been getting is no, no, no! Makes me feel like I've got ‘B.O.’ or something!"

"It must be my lucky day," quipped Brad," I was wanting to go fishing myself today, so how about us going together?'

"Hey, why not?" came from the G 0 G," How soon can you go? I'll get ready and wait for you on the front porch."

"It's a deal," laughed Brad," I'll be there in a couple of shakes." While Brad was preparing to leave, his mother advised him to be sure the grumpy one had his fishing license along.

"I've packed some lunch so you can both picnic while you fish. And be extra careful. Wear your life jackets, and be home by six, fish or no fish. Oh, and try to bring Grandpa home safe and in a good mood, hear?”

"Yes, Mom," promised her son as he picked up the picnic basket, armed himself with fishing gear and left by the back door, and soon found the senior citizen waiting on his porch, ready to have Brad help him to the car and anxious to head for the lake.

Late in the afternoon, with a dark sky, threatening clouds and light rain, Brad appeared home with an empty picnic basket, his arms full of tackle and a weary look on his face. His mother, hearing the door slam, appeared from the living room and exclaimed, "Son, I'm so glad you got home before you became wringing wet. How did the fishing go?”

"Gosh all Friday," groaned Brad." What a day! What a time! What a Gramp! What a Grump!" dropping everything on the floor.

"Really," questioned his mother," Tell me about it, and where's the fish?"

"Fish? snorted Brad." Hah! But first let me start at the beginning: Gramps and I got to the lake okay, but from then on things really got wild."

"Like how?" from Mom.

"First of all," began Brad, " Grandpa parked the car too close to the lake and got hung up in the sand. Then he almost fell into the lake when he got into the boat. Luckily, I grabbed him just in time. Then I had to row about a mile to where he dropped the anchor and got his line tangled in the anchor rope.

I, at least, got my line in the water while Old Grumpy finally untangled and baited up just as the mosquitoes bit faster than the fish. Right away he got out his stinky old pipe, and after a few puffs, he wound up getting two bites, one by a fish, and one by mosquitoes.

When he slapped at the stingers, he knocked the pipe out of his mouth and into the lake to disappear forever, but he managed to hang onto his rod and reel and the fish that turned out to be a midget. Pretty exciting, Grandpa, I offered. To which he growled, “it’s been one crazy day so far blast it!”

Well, anyhow, in order to calm him down, I suggested having some lunch, to lower his blood pressure, and he agreed. He set the basket on the boat seat between us and flipped the cover open. Then it happened. The basket tipped upside down into the wet boat bottom and right away the lunch was garbage. I just sat and stared and waited for some choice words from the GOG, but he only sat for a long time with his head in his hands.

We kept on fishing and getting hungrier and thirstier by the minute, until suddenly the clouds came up and Grumpy got a whale of a bite.

“Aha, he laughed, get the net. I've got a dandy on."

Brad continued with, “I picked up the net, and just as the big fish came close to the boat, the line snapped, and the fish and lure were quickly gone for good. That did it. Gramps threw down his rod, pulled up the anchor without him falling into the lake and sighed out loud just before he grumbled, while looking at the sky, it's bound to rain, it was time to go home, and that he had had enough lousy luck for one day!"

Brad kept on with, "I finally agreed it wasn't his or even my day, so I tried to set a record rowing back to shore before the rain got us, and I almost did." This ended Brad's accounting of the fishing party with the GOG.

After supper he repeated his story to the rest of the family, and they all just shook their heads.

TUESDAY

It was a little after nine o'clock Tuesday morning when Gina's mother answered a phone call from Grandma Strom, and after a few minutes of small talk, she turned to Gina and said, “Grandpa has already been told that you would be over to do some visiting today, and that Brad would see him again on Wednesday." She also added that Thor sounded rather crabby while complaining about a new corn on his left foot.

"Better you should not mention yesterday's fishing trip with Brad, okay?"

"Sure, Mom," promised Gina," I think I'm about as ready for this visit as I'll ever be, and I'll try to avoid fishing talk."

Ina then added, “By the way, remember that one of Grandma's complaints was that the Old Grump keeps smelling up the house with his constant smoking and ash spilling, and you might sneak in a reminder that smoking isn’t really good for his health and others around him. Also it's dangerous for house fires, and that tobacco can be expensive. Remember, he lost his only pipe yesterday. Maybe he could quit puffing for good now."

Gina thought about all of these things as she walked slowly to the Strom house where Grandma Ina met her almost at once.

"Now, Gina," she began," I hope it's not too big a bother for you to spend some of your vacation time with Grandpa, and I hope it's worthwhile."

" Don't worry," Gina assured her, "This is just something that needs to be done, and it could be good for the whole family. Time will tell."

Quietly she went directly to the living room where the so-called Grumpy Old Grandfather was sitting in his favorite chair, wearing heavy rimmed glasses, pencil in hand, a newspaper on his lap with the crossword page open and his left foot resting on a footstool.

"Best of the morning to you, Grandpa," greeted Gina sweetly. "Looks like you're at the crosswords again, and Grandma says you have a foot problem. So, how goes it?"

"Hah," grumped Thor, " They're putting the darndest words in the puzzles these days. It makes me so mad, and now my new corn feels like it's going to pop. So, that's it with me. What's with you, young lady?"

And before Gina could remember her mother's advice, she answered," Not much, I guess, but anyway how was your yesterday?" which apparently was not the right question at this particular time.

"I could tell about it and yell about it," snapped the GOG," but I wont, so forget yesterday. Now what about today?"

"Well," began Gina," it seems Grandma has a few concerns about you for one thing."

"Concerns?" spit Thor. " What concerns do I rate?"

"It's about some of your habits and other things that seem to bother her. At least that's the way I understand it." Gina offered.

"Well, if something about me is bugging her, why can't she come straight out with it? She is my wife, you know."

"She is your loving wife, that's true, and she really doesn’t want you to become upset about it,” explained the granddaughter.

"All right, so clue me in. What's it all about anyhow?"

Gina, shaken up somewhat by the GOG's outburst, wisely decided to limit all of Thor's wife's complaints to a few, which included smoking, to which he blurted out that he was old enough to smoke, even in his own house, but let Gina know he hadn’t smoked since losing his pipe in the lake yesterday.

Then, for some unknown reason, Thor took off his glasses and attempted to stand up on one leg, losing his balance and sagging to the floor before Gina had the presence of mind to stop him. The noise brought Mrs. Strom to the scene, and the two of them helped the shaken old man back into his chair and he solemnly declared," My glasses, I'm afraid they're busted!"

Gina assured Thor he was unhurt physically, and felt it was time for her to leave. She kissed him on the forehead, said goodbye to Grandma and gladly left, quickly heading for home.

At the supper table, she recalled her experience of the day, and described it in detail to her anxious family.

Page 6

WEDNESDAY

On Wednesday it was raining as Brad ate breakfast with his mother and sister. During this time Brad was reminded that today was his turn to visit the Stroms, and especially Grandpa. He decided to use the telephone before going, and when Grandma Ina answered, she informed him that Thor was already up and complaining about how he ached from yesterday's fall, plus his corn was also paining him, but it would be nice if Brad would come over, which he did.

"Hi Grandpa," offered Brad when he saw the GOG seated in his chair." Are you game to go fishing again?" To which came the stinging reply of "Sure, son if you'll turn off the rain, cure my corn, get me a new pipe, and guarantee no more accidents, plus a limit of walleyes!"

"Gosh," Brad admitted," that's quite an order. But, hey, there must be something you and I could do together today indoors.”

"You name it," groaned Thor," I can't. The paperboy hasn't even been here yet, but you could do me a favor by begging my better half to buy me a new pipe at the store. I'm still okay with tobacco."

"I'll ask Grandma," promised Brad," but you know how she hates it when you smell up the house with smoke and ashes. Has it occurred to you to just quit it for good since you lost your pipe and you haven’t smoked for a whole day?"

"Sure," griped Grandpa," I've pondered on it, but that's as far as it will go."

"All right," agreed Brad," I'll tell her for you. So, what else?"

The GOG replied, "I'll just sit in my chair, take off my shoe and sock while you get me a pan of warm water to soak my corn in, and then we could whittle or do the puzzle if the paper ever comes.”

"Grandma probably wouldn’t like us to whittle' in the house and get chips on the carpet, but I sure could sit and visit with you before the paper comes."

"I could do the puzzle later, I suppose and do some reading, except my glasses are broke from yesterday."

"Gosh, Grandpa," Brad sympathized, "I'm sorry about that, too, but right now I'll get you that pan of warm water from. Granny to baby that corn of yours."

A bit later Grandma Strom got out a pan, and filled it with hot water in and Brad carried it to the corn problem area. However, just as Thor lowered his foot into the water, he miscalculated, dropping his foot on the edge of the pan, which promptly tipped over on it's side splashing water on the GOG's foot, and then onto the carpeted floor.

"Ow, wow," wailed Thor," that was hot! And now I've really done it!"

"It's all right," Brad assured him," it was an accident. I'll get a towel and clean up the mess and then we can start all over again."

Still shaken, Thor agreed with, "If you don't mind, son, go ahead."

The paper boy came and Brad brought the paper over to his grandfather after which he cleaned up the wet mess as best he could, had the pan refilled and was careful in guiding the corn foot safely into the cooler water.

Sensing that it might be a good time to call it quits for the day, Brad happily bid goodbye and good luck to the GOG and promised to see him again in a few days.

As he left the room, Thor acknowledged his departure with a nod of his head.

After a quick, short visit with Mrs. Strom in the kitchen he left for home in the rain.

At home, and over the family supper table, he reported all of the day's events, which had taken place while he was at the Stroms.

an old grump!” and then he

THURSDAY

Gina slept late on Thursday. She dressed slowly, and at breakfast, wondered how things might go today with the Grumpy Old Grandpa and his worried wife, Ina.

Later, as she neared the Strom house, she saw Rudy Ripple, one of Thor's best friends and Grandpa himself, both sitting on the porch engaged in conversation. After exchanging greetings, Gina went on into the house and sought out Grandma Ina who insisted they begin the sunny day visiting until the porch gabfest was over.

"Thor spilled hot coffee on his corn foot this morning, so let's hope that Rudy can cheer him up," began Ina.

Before long the talk outdoors grew louder and louder until suddenly Rudy Ripple stood up and shouted, "You're talking like an old grump!" And he left, storming down the street.

"The same to you, Rudy," yelled the GOG after him and then it was quite until he saw his wife and granddaughter.

He quickly broke the silence. “Rudy got pretty hot out there. Maybe he got out of bed on the wrong side today. He’s usually pretty calm and collected."

“Do you often argue with your friends, Grandpa?" Gina queried.

"Only when necessary," snapped Thor. “Now then, what's new and what's up?"

"I know what," declared Mrs. Strom, “Let's all have a cup of cocoa and then get out the family picture album and show Gina some of the family pictures that she's never seen before."

"Heck," Grandpa grumped, "Looking at all those people that she may not know would be like punishment for Gina, don't you think?"

"Oh, no," Gina answered quickly," I think that would be a good idea, and it might give us all a laugh or two as well."

To this the GOG just shrugged his shoulders and without offering any idea of his own agreed with, "Well, why not?"

Gina pretended to be deeply interested in some o£ the photos shown, along with dates and circumstances, until they came to the Strom’s wedding pictures and Gina exclaimed, "My, you both look so young and nice!" Both Thor and Ina agreed to that, and Gina continued, "Who was your best man, the one with the funny way he combed his hair?"

"Hey," snorted the old groom, "That's my cousin Emil. He's the one who put the Limburger cheese on our honeymoon's car engine, and before we got out of the city, the cheese melted. It smelled so bad we just about threw up, so we had to drive with the windows open until we got to our hotel, and then when we got to our room, we heard this funny noise coming from under the bed."

"My goodness," Gina wondered out loud, "What was that all about?”

"Wouldn't you know," continued Thor, “there was a cardboard box there with a mad rooster in it. Ina almost had a fainting spell before I finally got rid of that lousy bird, and right away I tried to figure out who thought we needed one crazy chicken on our honeymoon, but that's another story, so let's just put the pictures away and do something else." To this, all agreed.

Glancing at the clock, Gina decided it was a good time to say goodbye.

"Thanks for everything, Grandpa and Grandma. Those were some stories, but now it's time to leave." Whereupon she put a kiss on Thor's forehead and one on her Grandma's cheek, and hurried home, smiling to herself.

It was at the supper table she reported her Thursday Strom experience, and voiced her interest in hearing more of the honeymoon story some other time.

FRIDAY

Friday came much too soon for Brad, since he had a number of plans for himself, but he was obligated to make a final trip this week to complete his share of visits to Grandma's house and the GOG.

Friday came much too soon for Brad, since he had a number of plans for himself, but ha was obligated to make a final trip this week to complete his share of visits to Grandma’s house and the GOG. Recalling the fishing fiasco of last Monday, he almost laughed to himself, and promptly wondered what this day with the old codger would bring?

Hoping the corn complaint would be over, Brad left by his back door and headed for Thor's domain.

Surprisingly enough, it was Grandpa who answered the door, leaning on his cane.

Whereupon Brad began with, "How's the hoof today? And did you get a new pipe? And has the paperboy been here yet?"

"Not so fast, son," snapped Thor. "One thing at a time if you please!"

"Sorry sir," said Brad. “So, how goes it?"

"It goes this way if you have to know--my so-called hoof is better, and yes, Grandma broke down and got me a new pipe after I promised not to smoke in the dining room, and also, the paper is here. Satisfied now?"

"Sure," answered the grandson," do you want to be left alone now to read or do the puzzle, or is there something I can do to help you pass the time of day?"

"Well," admitted Thor," Ina's sort of waiting to see you, so start right off by checking with her and make yourself homely."

This invitation made Brad feel as if today would be an easy one with the GOG and wife.

However, it wasn't to be.

He found his grandmother in the kitchen baking his favorite cookies. He complimented her on how good the kitchen smelled from the oven goodies. At that point, he and Thor were invited to the kitchen table to share the fresh baked treats.

"I'll fix some lemonade too, "Ina announced, and went to the cupboard to get the sugar and lemon mix.

That's when it happened.

As she opened the cupboard door, a very surprised and agile mouse jumped out and down onto the counter and quickly disappeared behind some of Mrs. Strom's baking materials and ovenware. Whereupon she reeled back and let out a womanly scream as she backed to the other side of the kitchen.

Meanwhile, husband Thor, surprisingly quick, grabbed his cane, stood up and yelled, "I'll get 'im'. Back away and let me at 'im!"

Then he waved his cane and probed where he thought the rodent was hiding.

Ina yelled," Careful Thor," and Brad, half stunned, sat and watched as the GOG swung, whipped and banged while counter top items crashed noisily to the floor. Brad, realizing Grandpa's victory would not be soon or easy, grabbed a nearby flyswatter and a hot pad, which was lying on the table, and got to the counter just as Thor tripped over something on the floor and collapsed with a loud, heavy crash.

At the same time the wary mouse appeared in the open. Brad whacked it hard with the swatter, stunning the little animal, which gave him enough time to envelop the mouse in the hot pad and hurry out the back door with it.

By the time he got back, Grandma Ina was helping her husband off the floor and back into his chair and checking him for perhaps an injury.

"Oh my, oh my," she repeated. "Thor, are you all right?"

"Heck no," groaned Thor. "I'm afraid it's broke, dang it!”

"What's broken?" asked Brad, now concerned," Your arm, your leg?”

"Neither one," muttered Grandpa," It's my cane! I must have fell on it when I missed the little rat. I just couldn't help it."

"Of course not," conceded Mrs. Strom." The good news is that Brad saved the day and the mouse is gone for good."

"Amen," grunted the GOG." Now, can we have a cookie to celebrate?"

After Grandson and Grandmother cleaned up the mess in the kitchen, they all sat down, enjoyed the cookies, and actually joined in a good laugh.

So did everyone at the Bailey supper table when Brad recounted the story of the mouse excitement at the Strom house.

SATURDAY

At last it was Saturday. The very day that had been agreed upon to hold the family meeting without the GOG present, and to review first of all Brad and Gina's experiences in their visits to the Strom house the past week. After that, they would join in offering, perhaps, individual opinions, which might erase or clear up the tension and complaints Grandma Strom had alerted the Baileys to just last Sunday. It was then; Thor had been tagged with the not so nice label of Grumpy Old Grandpa.

Fortunately, by eleven o'clock, Bob Bailey had finished washing the car. Brad had mowed the lawn. Gina had tidied up her room, and Bess was done cleaning house before Grandma Strom arrived. They all sat down to the business at hand.

One by one, their reactions were:

1. Ina Strom: Could her concern be one of exaggeration, or over-reacting?

2. Bob Bailey: Should he keep his mouth shut, and not get involved?

3. Bess Bailey: How concerned should she be about her mother's concern for father's behavior?

4. Gina: Is Grandpa really a died-in-the-wool grump, even if he is pretty owly at times?

5. Brad: The GOG tag on Grandpa is pretty harsh, and feels it should be repealed, or cancelled.

Bess Bailey changed the subject by announcing she had a cake ready to frost and asked to be excused while the rest could continue their talk. The three-way conversation on the COG topic ended abruptly when a flurry of knuckle knocks on the front door urged Bob Bailey to answer it. In doing so he came face to face with his father in law, Thor Strom.

Bob, surprised, managed a, "Hi, Dad, what's up?"

"Is my wife here?" came quickly from Grandpa Strom. "It's already noon and she isn't home, and there's no dinner, yet. I was getting worried something may have happened to her."

"She's all right, Thor…She's here," explained Bob. "We're having such a good time visiting, time just flew. So, do come in. We're all home today and all the Saturday chores are done. Please join us."

"Sure will," from the worried one,” And now that I know Ina's here and you are all together, I have a big announcement to make. So, all of you people can give me your ears, if you please."

He waved to all of them a piece of paper he held in his hand. He put on a big grin and continued with "My corn is better, I don't need the cane that I broke yesterday, the mouse is gone, and best of all, the Western Union boy just gave me a telegram telling me I have won a trip for six to Disneyland from one of those sweepstakes I've been spending so much postage on!"

Continuing to wave the telegram, Thor announced, "I'll take you all along, if you want to go. How about that?"

After a series of congratulations and loud yeses, Bess brought in her cake, newly frosted, and topped with the letters COG.

Placing the cake in front of her father, now seated at the table, she gave him a knife to cut each one a piece.

"Wait a minute," chirped Thor, "What's the GOG stand for?"

He received the following answers:

Good Old Granddad," laughed Grandma Ina.

"Grand Old Gentleman," asserted Bess.

"Good Old Geezer," ventured Bob.

"Game Old Guy," added Gina.

“Gutzy Old Galoot,” offered Brad.

"So let's skip what the GOG stands for Dad, and cut the cake.” Ordered Bess.

“It’s Celebration Time!”

"Why not," agreed Thor Strom?

The letters disappeared from the top of the cake as he sliced away and he happily said, “I’m glad no one thought,

“I’m a GOOFEY OLD GANDER!”

Everyone cheered the ex-GOG, and they all laughed up a Strom-Bailey storm!

End

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